DEALBREAKERS

Welcome to the first installment in in my Dealbreakers series! Most people have several established Dealbreakers which determine whether or not they will sleep with, date, or even look at a person. I, on the other hand, like to see how far I can push myself before I feel physically sick and the dry heaving starts. I'd also like to preface this by saying that I wear Jeggings and sometimes just one earring at a time, so like I get that I'm a walking dealbreaker too. Let us begin...

Stupid Facial Hair 

This includes: 

 

Ironic Mustaches

Ok look, it was kind of funny at first, but please stop. Or actually you know what, keep it because that way I'll know you're a tool just by looking at you, and can stay away. Also, I know you only have it so you can make jokes about free mustache rides to girls at bars. Although let's be real, I doubt I'd say say no to Twirls up there, AM I RIGHT?

 

Chin Patches, Flavor Savers and Soul Patches 

 Nope.

 This Shit

 Why.

Long Beards

This one was difficult for me, because I am absolutely Team Beard (and Devendra is so beautiful), but uneccessarily long beards just gross me out. Like are you shampooing that? Because if not I probably don't want it near my face. Why is this a thing? You probably have access to scissors or something to trim it with, and it is really that comfortable? 

Send me some of your dealbreakers!